My best friend Anthony’s wedding was this weekend and I had the honor of being best man. One of the biggest (or at least the most stressful) responsibilities of the best man is the toast. I’ve never had to speak in front of that many people before but I think it went over relatively well.
Ladies and gentlemen, if there’s anybody here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you just got married to Anthony Ventura.
When I sat down to write this thing I had no clue where to start.
Some people tell jokes, but I’m not that funny.
Some people write a poem, but I can’t rhyme.
Some people give advice, but I’ve only been married a year so the only advice I have is to shut up and let her do the talking.
Since I can’t do any of those the best thing I came up with is to tell everyone how I got to know the lovely new Mr & Mrs Ventura. The only problem is, I’ve known Anthony for so damn long I have no idea how we met. What I can tell you is a few things that he’s taught me over the years.
I’ve learned that the Ventura’s really know how to raise a son, but I have no idea how they deal with both of them. (Harriet you’re a saint)
I’ve learned that Rollerblading down giant hills can lead to war scars the size of your fist.
I’ve learned that Mascara really does look horrible on a guy (Ask me later, I have pictures).
I’ve learned that transformers and Lego’s are fun to play with at any age, wait no not really.
I’ve learned how good friends stand the test of time.
And I’ve learned that a list like this can go on for days so we’ll just stop here.
The really awesome part of having a friend like Anthony is that every time we see each other, even if its after months or years apart, it’s back to the same old shenanigans, drinking past 2am and befriending trashcans (or toilets). He’s always only a phone call away any time you need to patch a hole in a wall or get away from your pets for 2 weeks.
I remember the first time I met Meg. It was Anthony’s birthday and he wanted me to come out to MacGregors to meet this stunning girl he had been seeing. A few Irish Car Bombs later and there we were, 2 country boys and a beautiful blond stuck in front of Deer Hunter the video game. When Meg proved she had what it takes to kill more Bambies than us I told him:
“Any woman that can shoot a toy gun like that is worth keeping!”
I was right because he’s definitely getting the better end of the deal. Anthony, you are a lucky groom – you’ve married Meg, who’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and she deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one.
I’ve been told that Meg is good at a lot of things but directions are not one of them. I don’t know how she found her way to their first date, but I’m pretty sure one of the biggest reasons she keeps him around is because she can’t read a map. Anthony, whatever you do, don’t buy her a GPS device because she might not need you anymore.
I lied, I do have one small piece of advice. If I have learned anything during the past year it’s this. Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.
From the moment I saw them together I could tell that they’re very much in love and would bring each other happiness for years to come. It was truly an honor for me to be a part of their day. I would like to propose a toast to the happy couple, wishing them years upon years of blissful happiness.
To Anthony and Meg…
May your love grow ever stronger as you share your lives together, and may your future be more wonderful than you dreamed possible.